At first I thought I saw Him
only in glimpses–
in the curve of a smile,
at the edge of a paperback book,
in the slanting afternoon sunlight.
But then I began to see Him everywhere,
slipping out for a moment around corners and busy city sidewalks,
or smiling to me while He handed me my coffee,
or turning up in a breath by my side while my eyes marveled at the colors of a forest landscape.
Where did He come from?
Who was He?
Why did He hold so much power over me already?
Was He a He at all?
I knew His name, but I did not know his Name.
The things I read about Him were
cold // black and white // still // dead
(it made Him seem Still Dead)
but when I felt him around the penumbra of my mind,
He was sparkling, bright colored light
and oh so full of joy.
When He smiled, the whole earth rose up to meet Him,
the whole earth’s heart leapt within.
This was just the beginning;
this was just the start of my Jesus.
“Made in the image of God”,
that’s what You told me.
For so long I thought life was a chore,
aching upon rising and upon laying down,
my body something to be fought or tamed,
not a wonder of life.
(It was always: too little, too much.)
But that night
right before the dusky dawn rising,
You poured crumbs of butter-yellow hope-light
down into my hungry heart
and I was shining.
No more dark grey cobwebs
twisted ’round my eyes,
musty thin veil of soft light grey dust,
hanging round my head like a heavy metal shell,
sobbing silent behind dust and dread.
In my heart, so sudden, there was a song
and as I trace my fingers ’round the
edge of this glorious skin,
I smile, so still, take the deepest breaths,
and I sing.
Ringing out of my heart, and oh, Your hope, I could taste it!
sweet as balm, sweet as honey to the lips of my untrained heart.
It is in the stillness that I see You
when the swirls of life
billow gently to the side
and You come close.
You come in close,
and from far away I can see You coming
up from the wilderness,
up to my wilderness,
to the cave where I nestle
upon the pillow,
upon the rock of You.
I have built You an altar in my heart,
You have built Yourself a temple of my body.
The two are knit and intertangled;
I cannot separate what You have put together.
The only thing You rend
You split a veil to put a bridal veil of glory o’er my face.
Oh, the closeness of You,
the reaching out and touching Your cheek,
the memorizing of Your face,
the daily watching of Your eyes.
You see me,
and I live for the moment
that I see You,
(it shimmers and)
it shivers me
from my skin
to my inner deep within.
Knit within my belly
the rooting and grounding of Your love,
the umbilical cord,
You to me,
This cord You knit
tethers me to You.
Woven by Your flesh,
(once black and blue),
and filled with all manner of richness,
this good and perfect gift,
rich red from Blood shed,
from the Father of lights, not changing like shifting shadows,
no, there is no turning in This Love.
With a mighty hand and outstretched arm
You gathered me to Yourself,
all Your compassions kindled;
Your heart turned over within itself,
and scooped me up from the fall.
Oh, Daddy, oh Papa, Your love is so full;
my soul never knew till now.